


When She Lost Control

by TaraTyler



Series: Supergirl Gens [3]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, platonic, red k
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraTyler/pseuds/TaraTyler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>my take on falling</p>
            </blockquote>





	When She Lost Control

“Kara, you really need to chill.” Alex says, watching her sister stomp around her apartment like a petulant child.

“I’m. Just. So. Angry.” she fumes.

“At what?!” Alex asks for what feels like the zillionth time.

“EVERYTHING!” Kara yells and for the first time Alex feels kind of afraid of her little sibling. At some points she had forgotten or just dismissed the fact that her sister could literally rend her apart limb from limb.

“Kar, look at me.” Alex says in a purposefully calm tone. “Look into my eyes and tell me what you see. Just look in my eyes take deep, steadying, breaths.”

Kara turned and did as she was told, the rims of her eyes glowing red.

“Tell me, Kara. Out loud.”

“I see my sister. The first to make me feel like this planet might not be terrible. A brilliant scientist who loves me. Whom I love. A warrior that my aunt called Brave One. The woman who killed my aunt.” at the last, the veins around her eyes stood out on end, glowing red as her anger took her over. Alex regretted not having accepted J’onn’s offer of Kryptonite cuffs. She had never before seen Kara so totally consumed by rage.

“Kara, you don’t want to hurt me.” Alex said with a calm that she didn’t feel. She believed it though. Her sister didn’t actually want to hurt her, something or someone was behind this. Something or someone had incited this fury in her sister.

Kara saw the fear in her eyes and snapped out of it for a split second. Her own eyes were terrified and Alex could tell that it was fear of what she was capable of. Her feet were moving before Alex could say a word and she was leaping from the balcony. Kara pitched herself up and into the atmosphere. By the time she hit clouds she was angry again.

Kara screams, her voice audible throughout National City. Deep breathing allows her to hear a mugging two or three blocks down the street. She angles downward and towards the villain. The young lady ran as soon as Kara grabbed the guy around the middle and rammed him away. Both Kara and the mugger go sprawling.

She jumps up to her feet and walks towards him slowly. Kara could feel the anger making her heart beat faster in her chest. It got into her whole body. All she saw a sickening crack. Kara was horrified because she liked it.

She saw him, then, laying out there bleeding on the ground and almost cried. 

“I’m supposed to protect people.” she whispers and jumps into the sky.

Still, Kara could feel the anger flowing through her veins and feeling her. She could feel it standing out in her muscles, in the clench of her biceps and the taut pull of her shoulders. Everything was red. Kara went home establishing that her sister wasn’t there. She slid into her new suit. It was slick and dark and Kara’s darker side, brought to the surface, liked it.

She scoffs at the red cape given to her by her cousin and tosses it onto her bed. Careless to whoever might see her, Kara leaps out of her bedroom window. Her fists clench and unclench as she comes to a stop in Cat Grant’s office. The older woman is sitting at her desk looking over pages that Kara was supposed to have gone over. She glances up in surprise.

“Can I help you?” Cat asks as Kara’s boots touch carpet. The young hero plops down onto one of the pristine white couches lazily.

Cat’s eyes grow wide in shock at the behavior.

“What’s my name?” Kara asks, her glare enough to shatter Cat Grant’s confidence even without her laser vision running at a slow burn.

“Supergirl. I named you.” Cat says, hiding under her ‘Queen of All Media’ facade, as much of a disguise as Kara Danvers the Assistant was.

“No, my name! What is my name?!” Kara insists, backing Cat Grant against her desk.

“You’ve never told anyone!” Cat swallows hard.

“You’ve never asked me.” Kara turns away. “I am Kara Zor-El of the House of El. The last daughter of Krypton.”

“Kara.” Cat whispers.

“I am Kara Danvers. The mild-mannered assistant and the artist. The sister and the daughter.”

Cat blanches at the admission and at how sick and angry and sad the girl looks. Kara stomps back and forth across the room.

“Are a pair of glasses and a bun all that it takes, Cat? Am I that invisible?” she shouts, ignoring all of the attention that she has drawn.

“I am Supergirl. I am the protector of National City. I am the face of CatCo Media. I am Superman’s older cousin. I am a hero.” Kara scoffs derisively again.

“I am all of these things and more. I chose to protect this Earth and I can take that back whenever I so choose. Don’t disrespect that name again. Again I ask you, Cat Grant: what is my name?” Kara’s voice is a low and husky growl.

“Kara. Your name is Kara.” Cat answers, her voice trembling.

Deep down Cat knows that Kara would never hurt her. She has worked with the girl for long enough to know just how gentle she is. However, Cat had not known that she had this side to her. Cat had known that she had anger, but not that it ran this deeply and virulently. Still, Kara displayed immense control

Clearly something was very wrong. Some illness or foreign substance had incited Kara’s latent fury. It was obviously taking a lot of her willpower to hold that back. Cat could understand why Kara had come to her. She had mistreated her assistant at length and never treated her with any of the respect that she had deserved.

That is not to say that this did not scare the shit out of Cat Grant. At first she thought that maybe this was an imposter like Bizzaro, but as soon as she had made eye-contact with the girl in front of her Cat had known that this was her Supergirl. Now, she could see Kara under there. Cat had accused her assistant of being the hero once before. Cat had gone about it all wrong, but she had seen that potential in her protege.

“You never saw me. I was invisible unless I was wearing a damn cape.” Kara wanted to scream the words. She felt them deep inside of the core of her being. She was surprised that they had never just shown up on her skin.

“I saw you. I saw you everyday. I knew about your crush on James Olsen before you did. I knew that you didn’t return Winn’s crush on you. I knew that you had every ounce of the bravery necessary to be Supergirl, even if you weren’t actually her. You were the best damn assistant that I could have asked for. I know that you care about this city. I know that you love it, even though you weren’t born here. You are kind and you are good, Kara. That’s my favorite thing about you.” Cat says, gripping Kara’s biceps, her fingers tight on the younger (?) woman’s arms even through the suit.

“But I’m not good, Cat. I have this deep abiding rage, and you were right, it’s not for you or for anyone else. It’s just a part of me. I have held it back for so long and now it’s just burning.” Kara groans, the red veins spreading across her face. Her entire person was glowing and heat radiated from her. 

Winn busted into the office then, shouldering his way in through the locked glass door.

“Supergirl? What’s going on? Are you okay? What is with your face?” he asks looking desperate.

“Oh, give it a rest, will you?” Kara groans, her entire body pulsing, she could feel her heartbeat in her face. She was just so pissed. “I get it you like me, you’re in love with me, or whatever, but I don’t see you that way. Accept it and move on, I’m tired of the longing glances and the puppy dog eyes. You act like I owe you something because you’re a good friend to me. I don’t. I’m your friend and that is all that I will ever be.”

Winn’s eyes widen at her verbal and assault and he starts to stumble backwards as she steps towards him. He reminds Kara of a cockroach running from her booted foot. He’s terrified… Kara can see it all over his face, but she remains nonplussed in her advance until arms lock her to another warm body.

“Stop this, Kara. You’re not well.” Cat says firmly. She knew that Kara could pull herself loose easily but also felt that she wouldn’t. “We need to get you to Alex. Alex can help you.”

“Alex killed my Aunt Astra.” Kara growls.

“Alex did that to protect you. Alex knew that if she had given Astra even a second that she would have killed me.” Hank Henshaw says, giving Winn a hand up. He seem unfazed by Kara’s ferocious gaze and biting tongue. He doesn’t even seem to notice that Cat’s arms are around his agent. “Come with me, Kara. I can help you. I know that you’re angry and it’s okay. We’re all angry. Look at the people in this room with you. We all have our rages. We have rages enough for several people. Yours has just been brought to the surface. Come with me, Kara.”

Cat lets her assistant go, willing her to go with the agent.

“Everything will be alright.” She murmurs into her ear as she releases her.

Kara stumbles forward, the redness around her eyes receding until she looks almost like herself again.

“Will she be alright though?” Winn asks wringing his hands.

“She’s stronger than we give her credit for.” Hank says, hefting the hero up into his strong arms. “Are you ready for us, Alex?”

The elder Danvers sister seems to appear from thin air. She has been hiding around the corner until it felt safe. Kara didn’t really bear much of a grudge towards J’onn J’onzz, sending him in her stead seemed like the best course of action. It stung that Alex wasn’t capable of saving her own sister. She felt guilt like a weight in her chest, dragging her down.

She was startled to find Kara throwing herself away from J’onn as soon as Hank brought her out of Cat’s office. Instead of violence, Kara’s arms wound around Alex’s neck and hugged her close. She cried into her older sister’s shirt and Alex felt that protective instinct kick in again. She knew that she could forgive Kara nearly anything, even the day’s events. Hank let the two cling to one another for as long as they needed.

“I love you and I am so so sorry. I said so many horrible things and I was so unfair, Rao, Alex I am so sorry.” Alex allowed Kara her moment, standing tall and straight with blonde hair in a fierce grip. Her arms locked around the blonder sibling’s waist as she shuddered. Her eyes caught Cat’s and she mouthed a ‘thank you’ at her.

When it started to seem that Kara might never calm, J’onn pulled the hero away and forced her to make eye contact.

“Everyone is okay. You didn’t cause any lasting damage. Your family and friends all still love you. Pull yourself together and let your sister take you in for a check-up.” J’onn says in a tone that commands Kara’s attention.

“Okay, alright. I’m fine. Just make sure that none of us ever have to go through this again.” Kara meets his eyes firmly, draws up to her full height and follows the DEO agents out.

\-----/////-----

Alex demands that Kara spend a day under the sunlamps after she is brought in, and never leaves her side. On the rare occasions that her sister isn’t by her side, Kara allows herself to cry. She’s in mourning. She’s lost a part of herself and she doubts that she will ever get it back. Her heart has broken over the cruelty she is capable of.

It feels like years before Alex said that Kara could go home. She missed her bed and her couch and being surrounded by the smell of paints. Except that when they got there, Kara could hear a small army of people in her apartment. Five different heartbeats in the small space. It warmed her heart that they were all there for her.

“Are they all still in there? I told them to be gone.” Alex rolls her eyes. She had wanted for Kara to have some peace and quiet to recuperate.

“It’s okay. I appreciate the gesture.” Kara smiles, glad that Cat cared that much. She knew that the others cared, but she had scared the actual shit out of Cat Grant. Still, the older woman trusted her enough to bring her son into her home. She took a deep breath before opening the door.

“Hi, guys.” she said with a weak smile. It’s not a second later that Lucy, James, and Winn have thrown their arms around her and are hugging her tightly.

“She’s all better?” Winn asks, his head on Kara’s shoulder. He’s looking to Alex for answers.

“All traces of red K are gone from her system. She’s our girl again.”

“Good, because I didn’t bring any spare pants with me.” Winn laughs and Kara’s face falls. She turns to face him and takes both of his hands in her own.

“I am so, so, so, sorry for what I did to you. Those things that I said were horrible and cruel and unfair. I can’t imagine… I would understand if you never forgave me. I don’t deserve any of you.” Kara says and the heartbreak is audible in her voice.

“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, Kara, and I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like I thought that you owed me anything. I am happy to have you for my best friend.” he says and lets her go with a smile as tears well up in her Kryptonian blue eyes. Alex hugs her sister from behind.

“Of course the one week that I actually go on vacation is the one where you finally go off the rails. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here to help, not that I could have actually done anything. Winn and Cat said that you were pretty scary.” James says, taking his turn to hug her.

“I’m glad that you two weren’t here. The fewer in the line of fire the better. I was dangerous and volatile. If things had gotten violent, people could have died.” Kara say sand she feels small, smaller than she has ever felt before.

“People like me.” Cat says from the doorway. “Carter is asleep in your room. He insisted on coming along as soon as he heard you weren’t well.”

Kara shudders, she knows that she very well might have killed Cat or even Alex if she hadn’t maintained that on last modicum of control.

“Personally, I’ve been waiting on you to lose your temper for a while. This wasn’t the right way and it was totally awful for everyone involved I’m sure, but all of that anger had to go somewhere and it isn’t like we could just sit around and wait for another Red Tornado to come along. There has to be something that you can do with all of that.” Lucy says from underneath James’ arm.

“I guess that I can start using your proper name at work. You did express that this was important to you.” Cat says flippantly.

“That is something that you should have been doing anyway.” Alex says, cold iron in her voice.

“You’re going to let me come back to work?” Kara asks, blue eyes widening in surprise.

“Of course I am, I’ve base jumped Mount Kilimanjaro. Do you think that you actually scared me?” Cat scoffs at the question. Everyone in the room gives her a pointed look.

“Okay, I was terrified. However, I trust you implicitly, Kara. My little boy, the person that I care more about than anything or anyone in the universe, is asleep in your bedroom. If I actually thought that you would hurt him, or me, I would have us hiding out in Antigua somewhere.” Cat says, patting Kara’s shoulder. “As it is though, I’m going to want the whole story and an interview for an article. Agent Danvers can go over it later and redact whatever can’t be published.” 

“Of course, Ms.Grant.”

“You are inherently good, Kara, but we all have our darker sides. There was a bit of truth to everything that you’ve said to any of us. I have always been a bit jealous of you, Winn had expectations, and Cat has treated you poorly. The Red Kryptonite just brought everything that you were feeling to the forefront in the worst way. We’re okay, and so are you.” Alex says, kissing her sister’s cheek.

“And we all still love you, but girl, you need therapy.” Lucy says, and everyone laughs, even Kara.

“We can talk it all out I think.” Cat says confidently.

“Me too, and thank you , all of you. For your faith in me.” Kara says smiling at her little family. It was small and a little bit broken, but they loved one another and that was enough for now.


End file.
